how things are now
a bit of a list of my life at the moment !
i have chills writing this ; a delicious twinkling tingle rippling through my body like wind crossing water’s surface . i have missed my Substack ! i have missed you reading my Substack ! hello darling !
find below a list, most beloved, of life circumstances, musings, observations, magics, and so on, from my life of late.
Sift, darling, and enjoy :
My 34th birthday was 8 days ago . J'ai 34 ans ! there was a full moon, a Pink Moon, hail, lightning, a thunderstorm, sushi, dancing, disco ball planters, nails, sourdough, and such a light , open peace in my heart .
I am getting a divorce . 🦋🌀🪞
i am simultaneously the happiest, most free, most alive i have ever been (see Nicole) and also processing waves - beautiful, real, watery waves - of grief and release. it is alchemical and i am changed for it. there will be more, much much more , on this. this is the first i have shared it publicly. the door is open !
I am currently working with a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner, learning to tune my nervous system like the alchemical-superhighway-underwater-anemone-dendritic-superhuman-electric communication system that it is. heaven is actually here on earth babes, and it’s in our bodies. <3
i am training to be an SEP myself , as soon as 2029. If you need me, call me <333333
A few days ago I single-handedly produced a photoshoot of 17 different women ; directed, photographed, lit, inspired, captured on film. i stepped into the role of leader and organizer with grace and it was an honor + a thrill to facilitate such radiant humans
two days ago i booked my first commercial, after my first ever call back. my heeeaaarrrrrtttttt.
i am currently producing a series of 10 new paintings for a solo show in May (eyes welling with elation + joy)
For almost a year now, I have existed in this world, fully supporting myself, as a model, healer, yoga instructor, writer, artist, photographer, videographer, and designer. I AM LIT’RALLY LIVING MY DREAM. Dreams made flesh, as I would often whisper to myself in New York, when I first began building this Reality of Jane. <3 (single tear of joy slides down cheek, catching the light of our sun and glimmering; you can see it as you read these words)
this is my life, each day , as i claim it and iterate within it : Jane, by Jane. <3
it has been 6 days since i stopped watching any and all streaming services/shows. (!!!!!!) i have 6 months and 24 days to go. instead of streaming services i read, write, paint, muse, meditate, sip tea / water, speak to friends, and so on. i want to be fully present in my life like this indefinitely, and see what comes through . i will still go to the movies . this is a sacred experience of art and community .
after years of inherited body dysmorphia , i not only love my belly and have the cutest navel piercing you’ve ever seen, (!!!!!!!!!!!) but teach a core awakening and empowerment class to women two times a week, strengthening their physical, emotional, and spiritual relationships with their glorious, powerful bodies. i choke up on a weekly basis as we rest in shavasana and i guide them through a meditation of self-love and reclamation.
after a still inexplicable and unexpected run to the ER and subsequently the vet, many resented medication administrations and a LOT of sleep, Cowgirl is fully mended and back to her prancing, playful, cuddly self. I feel tremendously grateful for all the love people showed her and me; she is my daughter and familiar and my dear friend. i am proud of how i cared for her and so grateful that i was able to.
i cry so easily and readily these days , it’s heavenly like dew on the grass, like rain from a heavy, ready cloud. then the sun returns, i find myself light and relieved, laughing, having allowed the wave to move through me . darlings, truly, let emotion move through you . breathe, allow, and it passes and strengthens and clarifies, and wisdom remains. <333333
12. i have fallen in love with Boise ! the blooming, flowering trees , the Bench, the hills that are a dull brown but catch the pink sunset , the river , Ann Morrison park , the people , the coffee shops , my backyard and curmudgeonly landlord ; Boise is like a blackberry in my mouth . Idaho is like a cool stream, a stony cut mountain ; crisp with snow, fresh with green wildgrass , warm from a strong sun . though i will travel often , perhaps this will be my home base .
what’s more, for now, it is.
i am home. <3
this is all for now darlings, though there is so much more. soon. soon.
Love love love love love
Jane